What If

Last night, I read through the books I checked out on query letters.  Apparently, this was a mistake on my part.  Instead of feeling uplifted and optimistic about the next few steps I’m to take if I want to get published, I began feeling small, scared, and a little hopeless.  I had all the normal doubts running through my mind, accompanied by some new ones.

What if no one likes my manuscript?

What if no one even asks to see my manuscript?

What if my query letter makes me sound stupid?  Or ditzy?  Or desperate?  

What if I send my query letter to all the wrong agents?

What if someone else writes and publishes all my exact ideas before I get the chance?

What if, what if, what if…

I’ll be the first to admit I overanalyze things.  I think that comes with being a writer.  Not only are writers excruciatingly self-aware, we also have to know how other people might react to certain situations in order to create believable scenarios in our writing.  There is a lot of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes when you’re a writer.  At times, it’s great.  I usually always know how to respond in certain social situations, I can usually see from someone else’s perspective, and I like to think it keeps me pretty open minded.  On the other hand, all these stupid “what-if” scenarios, from best-case to worst-possible, are constantly swimming around in my mind.  It’s a nightmare.  Especially when the worst-cases are the ones that keep screaming in my ear, totally drowning out the part of me who just wants to be optimistic and hopeful and happy.  

It’s not a bad thing to be realistic.  I know how hard it is to break into this business.  I know I will have to be patient, determined, understanding, and 110% dedicated to what I am hoping to accomplish, and I am willing to be just that.  I am more than prepared to do whatever it takes to make this happen.  I just have to keep reminding myself that this road I have chosen will not be an easy one.  And that’s okay.  It’s not supposed to be easy.  I think a lot of times, it’s just so much easier to dwell on the negative and feel sorry for ourselves than it is to embrace the positive and push ourselves to keep working toward our goals, no matter how much time it will take, and no matter how many odds you have stacked against you.  I’m going to try to remember this as I await critiques from my friends and start reading up on copyrighting!  Won’t that be fun!

Until next time!