My sweet Jazzy is at peace. She passed last night in her home, surrounded by her family. For that, I am so thankful. She was always so scared of the vet, and I did not want her last experience to be fear and a needle. Although I am relieved that she is no longer in pain, her death has hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. Although I believe, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that there is eternal life for all of God’s creatures, the pain of her loss is still very fresh and I think it will take a few days at least before I’m myself again.
Thankfully, I still have my Midnight with me. Although I’ve got to say, she’s not been very much help. You know how pets are supposed to be able to sense when you’re sad and comfort you? Yeah, Midnight doesn’t do that. She doesn’t understand why I should ever feel anything other than complete and utter joy for being deemed worthy of her love and presence. She’s sort of a diva.
On the bright side, I do have a few fun things planned in the next few days, so I’m hoping that will help me to heal. I know Jazzy is happy and home and that she wouldn’t want me to be sad. She was always a lot more in tune to emotions than any of my other cats. She always hated being held, but the day her mommy died, I was sad and she just let me hold her for as long as I needed to. I’m going to miss her so much. I already do.
I need to stop writing about it, because if I keep it up, I’m going to start crying again, and I really hate crying.
In other, happier news, I will be posting a review of The Calling by Louise G. White hopefully within the next couple of days. All my work has sort of taken a back seat these last few days. I realized that when I’m grieving, I drop everything and turn to shopping for comfort. That’s odd, because I am not a huge shopper most of the time. Occasionally, I’ll treat myself to a new outfit, but I’m usually pretty good about the way I spend and save my money. When I’m sad though? Oh man, I don’t even care. I will buy anything I want if I think it will make me feel better. Deep down, I know that drowning your sorrows in materialism is not the answer at all, but I’m rarely sad enough to splurge, so I figure what the heck.
I’m really trying to talk myself out of getting a tattoo though. I kind of want one, but I definitely do NOT have the money for it. I might just have to settle on a new cardigan to go with a dress I want to wear tomorrow. And cookies. Lots of cookies. And maybe shoes.
Anyway, please say a prayer for me (and for my bank account). And God bless and keep you and all your animal friends.