To My Future Valentine

I have no idea when you’ll get a chance to read this.  In fact, I don’t even know who you are.  We haven’t met, you see, and if we have, well, I guess we’re both in for a surprise.

As you probably know, today is Valentine’s Day.  I’m celebrating it by going out for a single girls’ movie and dinner date with my friend, Kember.  I have no idea what you’re doing.  You might be spending tonight with another girl.  Or maybe you’re at home, reading a book and drinking a nice glass of wine.  Or you could be at a sports bar with the guys, watching the big game (I have no idea what’s on right now), drinking beer, and eating buffalo wings.

I don’t know when you and I will get to celebrate our first Valentine’s day together, but for the time being, I see no reason why little thing like being a total stranger should prevent me from writing you my own version of a love letter.

There’s a lot I don’t know about you.  I’ve imagined you, of course.  I’ve wondered how we met, where we went on our first date, but more than anything, I’ve wondered about how we’ll be together.

I hope we’re best friends.  I hope that we can tell each other everything.  I hope we trust each other enough to enjoy our time apart and to let each other do our own thing.  I hope you have something in your life that you love as much as I love writing.  I hope we make each other laugh, and that you find my numerous quirks and eccentricities charming and not completely embarrassing and annoying.  For example, I hope you don’t mind that I don’t like talking on the telephone for more than a few minutes, or that I’m not good at just sitting around and watching movies, unless it’s a movie I haven’t seen.  I hope you don’t mind I sometimes write sitting on a blanket on the floor at 3 in the morning.

I don’t really put a lot of thought into my appearance, my bedroom is a disaster zone, and most of my dinners are sandwiches or microwave meals, but I’m pretty sure that for you, I want to look my absolute best and hopefully I try to keep things at least a little tidy.  Who knows?  I might even enjoy cooking with you.  I always love baking desserts for Christmas and parties, and not to brag or anything, but my magic cookie bars are pretty much to die for.  That is, if you’re not allergic to coconut or dairy or nuts or chocolate.  I don’t want them to actually kill you.

I learned a long time ago that it’s not a good idea to make a list of things that you hope for in a partner, because one day, you find someone, they turn out to be exactly what you thought you were looking for and then you realize that they’re not the right person for you at all.  What works on paper doesn’t always work out in life.  There are a few things that I’m hoping for, but I’m not going to bother listing them out.  I’m assuming that if you’re reading this, then you’ve already passed the test.

As far as I go, you don’t have to get me anything fancy.  I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and I rarely appreciate going out to eat at really expensive restaurants the way they’re supposed to be appreciated (I’m a really picky eater).  I’d much rather drive up to the lake and go kayaking, or grab a bite to eat at Corner Bakery before spending an evening browsing the local Barnes and Noble.  Or bowling!  I love bowling.

To whomever you are, I hope you have a wonderful Valentines Day.

Until we meet.

Love,

Your Future Valentine

Reasons to (And Not to) Date a Writer

All of my friends are in different stages of relationships.  Several are married.  One is about to have a baby.  One is in the beginning of a relationship.  One just broke up with her boyfriend of five years.  As for me?  I haven’t dated anyone in almost three years.  I haven’t seriously dated since 2008.  I don’t have a problem with that.  I have other things I want to do and accomplish and achieving those goals is the most important thing to me right now.

Still, seeing all my friends in these different phases of relationships got me thinking.  What kind of guy will I end up with?  Is there a guy who will find my eccentricities charming instead of just weird?  Will any guy be willing to put up with me always being off in my own head and staying up until 3 in the morning to finish a chapter?

To answer my questions, I turned to the ever abundant source of information, Google.  I found some pretty hilarious reasons to date and not to date writers.  These reasons inspired me to compile a couple lists of my own.

So, without further ado, I present to you…

REASONS TO DATE A WRITER

1. We’re very open to other people’s perspectives.  As I’ve mentioned before, we sort of have to be.

2. We are free spirits, which means that we enjoy new experiences and are more often than not very enthusiastic about things.  Everything is cool to the creative mind, and that can be very refreshing.

3. We usually never run out of things to talk about.

4. We are willing to listen.

5. We are nothing if not dedicated.

6. We can be very whimsical and mysterious and insightful and romantic.

7. Believe it or not, I think a lot of us have a pretty firm grasp on reality and what goes on in the world.  We see the world for what it is, but also for what it could be.

8. We love being comfortable.

9. We’re easy to shop for.  You can never, ever go wrong with a Barnes and Noble gift card.

10. We will put forth every effort to make life extraordinary.

And now…

REASONS NOT TO DATE A WRITER

1. We are neurotic.  Like, crazy neurotic.  We over-think everything, dwell on what we’ve done wrong, and obsess over minor details.

2. We lie, but it’s never to hurt someone.  We know exactly what other people want to hear, so we tell them just that.  I think we’ve all played the, “Oh no, I’m such a bad liar,” card at some point.  The truth is… that is a lie.  We’re fantastic liars.  My friends all know this about me.

3. Our brains are muddled messes of ten different plots, fifty characters, and countless lines of witty dialogue all tangled up in a giant ball of crazy.  I can’t speak for all writers, but I know that the simplest, easiest, everyday tasks often bewilder me.  This is why.  There is literally no room in my brain for anything.

4. We get grumpy when we want to write and we can’t.

5. We like being alone.

6. I don’t know if this is true for all writers, but I hate talking on the phone.  I also hate those date nights where you curl up and watch a movie that you’ve seen a million times and do nothing else.  I have to have my computer in front of me and be working on something if I’m going to watch a movie.  Movies in the theater are different.  I love going to the movies.  But it is very hard for me to just sit at home and watch a movie without doing something else.

7. Yes, if you do something stupid or that upsets us, there is a very good chance you will end up in our book.  On the positive side, however, if we like you, you will end up in the book too.  My best friend and two of the crazy people in her graduate program inspired three characters for my new manuscript.

8. We crush hard on celebrities and fictional characters.

9. We spend a lot of time inside our own minds and can, at times, seem very distant.  This isn’t because we don’t love you.  It’s just that we really enjoy spending time in the worlds that we’ve imagined.

10. We will always be poor.  Because we like writing more than working.