How M. Night Shyamalan Got His Groove Back

Okay, so my sister and I have this tradition around Christmastime.  It’s called Double Movie Day.  The day before Christmas Eve, we pick out two movies and spend the entire day at the theater.  Last year, we saw The Theory of Everything and Night at the Museum 3.

This year, we decided to push Double Movie Day up a few months because A) my sister was home for the weekend B) and we had two movies that we REALLY wanted to see.

The movies we saw fit right in with the impending Halloween season: The Perfect Guy and The Visit.

As usual, this post WILL contain spoilers.  However, given that one of the films is an M. Night Shyamalan production, I will do my best to keep them to a minimum.

Thoughts on The Perfect Guy

  • This movie kind of looks like an adaptation of The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks.
  • It also kind of looks like a high-budget Lifetime Movie.
  • I can’t wait.
  • Script is a little weak at first, but it tells us what we need to know.  Leah wants to get married and have kids.  Dave doesn’t.  So she ends it.  Fair enough.  Sorry, Dave.  You blew it.
  • Even though I know from the previews that Carter is a creepy psychopathic stalker, the guy playing him is really attractive.
  • His character, however, is so smooth you know that something’s off about him.
  • Public bathroom inside a hole-in-the-wall dance club.  Perfect place to consummate a relationship.
  • AW, she has an orange kitty named Rusty.  I had an orange kitty named Rusty!
  • Oh PLEASE don’t let anything bad happen to Rusty!
  • I don’t think I even need to talk about how fast you run after you see your boyfriend beat someone else to a pulp.
  • Leah, no.  Do not listen to your friend.  She is giving you terrible advice.
  • Karen, you’re the worst friend ever.
  • No!  I KNEW that sicko would take Rusty!  I knew it!  Poor kitty!
  • Oh, good.  Dave is back.  I like Dave.
  • Leah is not a believable single woman.  If my cat was missing, I wouldn’t know how to function.  I wouldn’t be able to live.  I would be curled up in a ball, crying, until she came home.
  • WTF. WHAT. NO. *Spoiler*
  • I feel like this entire movie is a commentary on how the system can’t help victims of stalking/harassment until something bad has already happened.  Leah knows Carter is dangerous.  She knows he’s stalking her.  He has gone out of his way to ruin her ENTIRE life and everything she’s worked for.  But the way the system is set up, no one can actually help her until he does something dangerous and drastic.
  • I do like how the detective is really trying to help her.
  • This is like Criminal Minds with a really good-looking unsub.
  • The house Leah lives in is actually really creepy.  It’s all modern and designer with really big open windows.  I could never live in a house like that.  I wouldn’t feel safe at all.  Plus it’s just not very cozy or homey.
  • I do like the pool though.
  • Provoking crazy people. Such a terrible idea.
  • Oh thank GOD she got Rusty back!
  • Again, you go, girl.

Thoughts on The Visit

  • Okay, M. Night. I love The Sixth Sense, Signs, and The Village.  It’s been a while.  I’m expecting good things.  Good scary things.
  • Small white child rapping.  Stop.  Please.  Stop.
  • Aw, I like the snow.  I know I won’t like it when it’s falling from the sky in February, but since it’s between the months of September and December, I like snow.
  • Old people houses are so creepy in movies.  What’s the deal?
  • Granted, this is supposed to be a creepy movie so I get it.
  • Bedtime at 9:30 and no wifi? That’s a horror movie in and of itself.
  • OLD LADY VOMITING NOOOOOO. EWWWWWW.
  • OMG the game of hide and seek?  This movie is already terrifying.
  • I’m really seeing a lot of classic M. Night in this movie.  Rural setting.  Isolated.  Inside a home where you’re supposed to feel safe.  Eerie nighttime noises that let you know that you’re not alone in the house and that whatever is in there with you is REALLY EFFING CREEPY.
  • I bet the lady playing the grandma had so much fun filming this movie.  It’s probably not often that she gets to scare the pants off of people.  She’s such a cute lady.
  • Okay, I’m beginning to get the impression that the mom is a huge flake.
  • Trying to figure out what the twist will be.  Thinking it probably has something to do with demons or witchcraft or maybe an ancient spell discovered at the well.  There’s sort of an underground/water theme going on.
  • I know the grandma is kind of the possessed one, but the grandpa is freaking me out too.
  • Okay, this might not be the scariest M. Night film of all time, but I think it’s the one that scares me the most and it’s because your grandparents are supposed to love you and take care of you.  They’re not supposed to scare you.
  • Okay, I’ve got to know what this gossip is that everyone keeps talking about.
  • What.  WHAT.  WHATTTTTTT.
  • OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.
  • I am freaking out right now.  I’m not even kidding you.  This is terrifying.  OMG.  OMG.
  • No no no no no no no no no no.
  • I might just be scarred for life after this movie.  Oh my God.
  • Hey, lady next to me on your cell phone.  SHUT UP.
  • Good she hung up.
  • I cannot get over this movie.
  • Aw, this is kind of sad.
  • OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS. YOU’RE ON YOUR CELL PHONE AGAIN?!
  • I am throwing some SERIOUS shade at you, lady.
  • So rude.
  • Oh, no.  White child is rapping again.  I’m out.

In short, I can highly recommend both of these movies.  With The Perfect Guy, you kind of know what you’re getting, but it’s still definitely worth the watch.  I want my mom to see it.  It’s right up her alley.  As far as The Visit goes?  Congratulations, M. Night.  You once again blew my mind, scared me half to death, and kept me lying awake until odd hours of the night telling myself over and over again that there were no creepy old ladies crawling down my hall.

Double Movie Day

Two years ago, my sister insisted that I needed to see Wreck-It Ralph before Christmas.  I turned around and said that she needed to see the first Hobbit movie (although she’s not really a fan of Middle Earth, she loves Martin Freeman).  We decided, what the heck?  Let’s see them both in the same day.  Thus Double Movie Day was born.

This year was our third year in a row to celebrate Double Movie Day.  Last year, we saw Frozen and the second Hobbit.  We could very well have kept up with tradition and gone to see a Disney movie and then the final film in the Hobbit trilogy, but the big white thing in the new Disney movie scares me and I have way too many problems with what I’ve heard of the third Hobbit movie to sit through it in the theater.  Instead, we decided on The Theory of Everything and Night at the Museum 3.

Now, I’m not a reviewer at heart.  However, I do very much love giving my opinion on films.  Instead of making this a beautiful and eloquent piece about the highs and lows of the movies, I’m going to format this post the way I did when I “reviewed” Godzilla over the summer: https://jackiesmith114.wordpress.com/2014/05/18/godzilla-a-very-girly-review/  

1466115_10204574035884513_1366104728601969159_n

WARNING!  SPOILERS AHEAD!

Thoughts on The Theory of Everything

*This movie looks so good.  I can’t wait to see it.

*Stephen Hawking is really smart.  I hope I understand this movie.

*I wonder what young Stephen Hawking would have said if someone had told him that he would grow up to be a guest star on The Big Bang Theory.

*I had no idea Stephen Hawking was English.

*Eddie Redmayne is really cute.  I’m attracted to a guy playing a young Stephen Hawking.  I don’t know how to feel about this.

*I love guys in glasses and cardigans.

*This movie is just beautiful.  It’s just a beautiful movie.  The music, the cinematography, the lighting, the camera angles.  Everything about this movie is beautiful.

*OMG his roommate is Khaleesi’s creepy brother.

*He’s hot too.

*Stephen Hawking asked her to dance! This is so romantic!

*OMG his professor is LUPIN!

*He’s not hot.  Sorry, Lupin.

*Must stop thinking about The Big Bang Theory.  

*This movie constantly has me on the verge of tears.

*I’m loving this movie because it makes math, science, and intellect so beautiful.  It’s brilliant and artistic.

*Eddie Redmayne deserves an Oscar nomination.  His portrayal of Stephen Hawking and his initial diagnosis and progression of his Lou Gehrig’s Disease is raw, passionate, and heartbreaking.

*At least we know Stephen Hawking doesn’t die.

“What do Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common?  They both suck.  Neener neener.”

Thoughts on Night at the Museum 3

*Robin Williams.

*Rami Malek.  You are so cute.  Why are you not in the first two movies more?  Why are you not in more movies in general? I need more of your cuteness.

*Steve Coogan and Owen Wilson are hilarious together.

*Octodaddy.

*Love Ben Stiller’s caveman doppelganger.

*I LOVE Rebel Wilson!  “What, have you never seen a gorgeous woman before who could be a model if she didn’t love pizza so much?”

*Teddy Roosevelt + Sacajawea = OTP

*MATTHEW FROM DOWNTON ABBEY IS LANCELOT AND OMG HE IS HILARIOUS.

*The whole exchange between Pharaoh Ben Kingsley and Ben Stiller about basically everything in Exodus is, quite frankly, one of the funniest scenes I’ve seen in a movie theater in a long time.  “Laugh out loud.  Yeah, that’s what I did.”

*Seriously, Rami Malek.  Be in more movies.  You were so cute in Breaking Dawn but you only had like, two scenes.  You deserve your own saga.

*Why is this movie so funny?  Why am I laughing so hard?  What am I even watching?

*HUGH JACKMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

*I’m glad Dan Stevens ditched Downton Abbey.  He was never this funny as Matthew.  “Yes, hop, hop, hop!  You are REAL!”

*Owen Wilson, I thought you should know, I’ve always had a weird Texas crush on you.

*Why is no one in London questioning the Knight in Shining Armor riding through the streets on a white steed?  Is this just an everyday thing in London?

*Bus scene.  Hilarious.

I do need to take a moment to be serious here before I end this post.  This was Robin Williams’ final live-action film.  I went in to this film knowing that I probably wouldn’t make it through without tearing up, but I didn’t expect to break down completely.  I’m not going to tell you his final lines in the film, because I think they’re something you need to experience for yourself.  All I can tell you is that they broke my heart.  It seemed a goodbye message, not only to Larry from Teddy, but to all movie-goers from an actor we all loved dearly, and whose absence we still mourn.  It’s not fair that so many movies will exist without Robin Williams.  It’s not fair that such a great and wonderful life was cut short by such a tragic and shattering disease.  I will undoubtedly be seeing this movie again, and I will undoubtedly shed tears once again listening to Robin Williams bid us farewell.

“For Robin Williams. Magic Never Ends.”