It’s Okay to be Single

A lot of books, movies, and stages shows have one thing in common: Romance.  It either ends happily with the lovers together or not so happily with someone walking away or maybe even dying.  Either way, being with the person you love is one of the driving factors in plots all throughout media and history. I’ll admit, I’m a sucker for romance in books and movies.  I love reading it and I really love writing it.  Michael and Kate, hello!  In real life, however, I am happily single.  And to a lot of people, that’s weird.

I recently read an article encouraging young people (even younger than me) to take the plunge, get married, and have kids in their twenties.  That’s worked for a lot of my friends.  Several of them married very young and most are still happily married.  Although I’ve always wanted to be married and have kids eventually, it’s never been my main goal in life.  For guys, that’s okay, but for some reason, it’s strange for a girl to feel that way. I can’t count the times I’ve been asked about my love life before anything else.  It’s never “Have you seen any cool new places” or “Learned anything new and interesting?” It’s “So are you dating anyone yet?”

No.  No I’m not.  And that’s okay.

Even as a little kid, I was very driven and career-oriented.  Back then, I wanted to work with marine mammals (and I still do) and I spent every waking minute I had researching whales, dolphins, and pinnipeds.  As soon as I realized that my true calling was writing, I sat down and began working on ideas for novels.

Yeah, I’ve dated.  I even had one serious boyfriend when I was 20, but unlike the rest of my friends who were itching to earn their M.R.S., the idea of marriage terrified me to the point that I actually broke down in tears at the thought of walking down the aisle. Granted, I wasn’t with the right person and now that I’m older, the idea doesn’t make me cry anymore, which is a good thing.  But I’m still in no hurry.  I have so many other things that I want to experience.  Yes, I could experience them with a husband, but there’s something so liberating, so wonderful, about being independent.  I like making my own decisions and I like being able to act selfishly.  Perhaps that’s not a good thing to boast.  After all, one of the major criticisms for single people with no children is that we are selfish.  But I’ve always kind of thought that our twenties are the time to be selfish, to learn and explore, to travel, to set the foundation for our lives.  For some of us, husband and kids are a huge part of that.  For others, we’re happy going it alone. And again, that’s okay.

The world is changing.  Women no longer have to marry for financial or societal reasons.  We have the privilege of being able to settle down and marry when we want and who we want.  Again, I do want marriage and a family… eventually.  But right now, I’m happy by myself.  I’m happy to travel.  I’m happy to be able to do what I want, when I want.  I’m happy to hang out with my sister and single friends just as much as I am happy to hang out with my married friends.  And I’m happy to write.  God, I am so happy to write.

Right now, my main priority is getting more books out there and, if my dreams come true, to maybe because a NYTimes Bestselling Author by the time I’m 30.  That’s my real dream right now.  If a guy comes along before then, then awesome!  If not, that’s okay too. If you’re like me, don’t let anyone pressure you into anything before you’re ready.

I’ve been asked so many times when I’m getting married and when I’m giving my parents some grandkids to spoil.  The answer is “I have no idea.  For now, they’re just going to have to be happy with grand-books.”

On that note, please join me tonight at 8:30 Eastern (7:30 Central) for The Truth in Lies One Year Anniversary Celebration! Several authors (including me!) will be answering questions and posting giveaways all afternoon long!  In fact, I think it’s already begun!